Trust and Timing, or Something I Read in the Church Program Today

This is an excerpt from a talk given in 1994 by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, who is a living apostle of God (like Paul or Peter from New Testament times):

"When we have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, we must have trust in him. We must trust him enough that we are content to accept his will, knowing that he knows what is best for us...

"Here we see the Savior’s absolute faith and trust in the Father. “Nevertheless,” he said, “not my will, but thine be done.” The Father’s answer was to deny the plea of his Only Begotten Son. The Atonement had to be worked out by that lamb without blemish. But though the Son’s request was denied, his prayer was answered. The scripture records: “And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him” (JST, Luke 22:43).

"Strengthened from heaven to do the will of the Father, the Savior fulfilled his mission. “And being in an agony, he prayed more earnestly; and he sweat as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground” (JST, Luke 22:44).

"When we try to develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ rather than merely cultivating faith as an abstract principle of power, we understand the meaning of the Savior’s words: “If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me” (Moro. 7:33).

"Here the Savior reminds us that faith, no matter how strong it is, cannot produce a result contrary to the will of him whose power it is. The exercise of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is always subject to the order of heaven, to the goodness and will and wisdom and timing of the Lord. That is why we cannot have true faith in the Lord without also having complete trust in the Lord’s will and in the Lord’s timing. When we have that kind of faith and trust in the Lord, we have true security in our lives. President Spencer W. Kimball said, “Security is not born of inexhaustible wealth but of unquenchable faith” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, pp. 72–73)."

To read the full talk, go to http://lds.org/general-conference/1994/04/faith-in-the-lord-jesus-christ?lang=eng&query=Elder+(name%3a%22Dallin+H.+Oaks%22)

To learn more about living apostles and why and how God has called prophets and apostles in modern times, go to http://mormon.org/restoration/

Has God Forgotten Me?, or Have I Forgotten God?

"Memory is a net; one finds it full of fish when he takes it from the brook; but a dozen of miles of water have run through it without sticking."

-Olivier Wendell Holmes

When hard times come and seem to stay and stay, we sometimes ask where God is and why He hasn't kept His promises. As we look at our lives we may see unfairness or abandonment. We may feel picked on or ignored.

It is at these times that we must rely on our understanding of who God is and why we're on earth; we must rely on our faith. We build faith and we are just passing through times when it is meant to be used. These are times to not forget all that God has done and continues to do for us.  

"Memory is a net; one finds it full of fish when he takes it from the brook;

but a dozen of miles of water have run through it without sticking."

It is surprisingly easy to focus on our problems and overlook all the good that we have in our lives.  

We can be so focused on our life that seems to be "full of fish" that we ignore the "dozen[s] of miles of water that have run though" our lives without us recognizing them. We have food, water, a house or a place to live, senses, family, friends, we can communicate with God, we have chairs, plates, entertainment, commandments and guidance, health, the ability to feel emotions, an understanding of our reason of living, a hope for a joyful and perfect future, etc., etc.  

If all I had tomorrow is what I thanked God for today, what would I have tomorrow?

I know that God supports us during our trials. He does not abandon us. He supports us with "miles of water" all the while we are going through difficult things. As we choose to thank Him for everything He has given us, our faith in Him will grow and we will feel greater peace. We will see that God has not forgotten us; we have just forgotten Him.

"Memory is a net; one finds it full of fish when he takes it from the brook;

but a dozen of miles of water have run through it without sticking." 

Weakness, or Feeling Bad About Oneself

This is an excerpt from an article written by Elder Glenn L. Pace.  

"Many Latter-day Saints know the Church is true but have unhealthy feelings about their own inadequacies, real or imagined. The scriptures inform us that we all have weaknesses and that there is a place for them in our spiritual progress: “If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).

"Too often we wallow in our weaknesses so much that we do not allow “weak things” to “become strong.” Our condition is frequently misdiagnosed as humility, when in reality it is a lack of confidence.

"What is the difference between the two?

"To be humble is to recognize our utter dependence upon the Lord. We are conscious of our strengths, but we do not exalt ourselves and become prideful, for we know that all good things ultimately come from God. We are conscious of our weaknesses, but we know the Lord can use those very weaknesses to bless our lives and that through Him, as we learn from the book of Ether, our weaknesses can become strengths.

"To lack confidence is to have feelings of low self-worth. We are preoccupied with our weaknesses, and we lack faith in the Lord’s ability to use those weaknesses for our good. We do not understand our inestimable worth in the eyes of God, nor do we appreciate our divine potential. Ironically, both pride and a lack of self-confidence cause us to focus excessively on ourselves and to deny the power of God in our lives.

"Dr. Thomas Harris made the following wise observation on insecurity and confidence: “Most people never fulfill their human promise and potential because they remain perpetually helpless children overwhelmed by a sense of inferiority. The feeling of being okay does not imply that the person has risen above all his faults and emotional problems. It merely implies that he refuses to be paralyzed by them.” ¹

"I am impressed by President Gordon B. Hinckley’s personal philosophy, which we all would do well to adopt: “I believe in myself. I do not mean to say this with egotism. But I believe in my capacity and in your capacity to do good, to make some contribution to the society of which we are a part, [and] to grow and develop. … I believe in the principle that I can make a difference in this world, be it ever so small.”

To read the whole article, go to http://lds.org/ensign/2005/01/confidence-and-self-worth?lang=eng&query=confidence+self-worth

What is General Conference All About?, or What Is God Saying To The World Today?

General Conference is a series of meetings held each April and October. God's living prophets and apostles teach us what God wants us to know and how we can live to find peace and satisfaction (just like Isaiah, Moses, Paul did - they were chosen by God to teach the world about Him, and so they did). God didn't just speak during Bible times. He speaks now! As you apply what the prophets teach, your relationship with God will improve. You will see your life begin to fill with even more happiness than you currently have. You will find direction in a world that is losing its moral footings. You will know what God is saying right now about our world, culture, and our situations, etc. You will feel the Holy Ghost as you listen to the words of these apostles, for I know that they are actual prophets of God.

To learn more about modern prophets and apostles, go to http://mormon.org/restoration/

or to learn more about the specific apostles in this video, go to http://lds.org/church/leader/thomas-s-monson?lang=eng

Do I Love Behavior?, or Do I Love People?

First off, Heavenly Father is not concerned with us "paying Him back." In the Book of Mormon, a prophet named Benjamin taught his people, "...if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole souls has power to possess, to that God who has created you...[and] if ye should serve Him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants" (Mosiah 2:20-21). The expectation to "pay back" what God has done for us is not part of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Even if I served every minute of every day as perfectly faithfully as possible, I could/would never repay Him, and He's not expecting me to "repay" Him. 

Yet, we are "[His] work and [His] glory" (Moses 1:39). Our worth is in who we are, not in what we do. We are children of God. He is not just focused on our behavior; He is focused on us. Us, actual members of His family. Knowing this truth frees us from focusing solely on behavioral things and allows us to focus on our actual relationship with Him. And as we come closer to Him, we will want to do all He asks. Certainly, because He wants us to be happy, He has given us special blessings called commandments. These provide knowledge about truths that if followed result in certain opportunities and benefits. God knows that if we ground our behavior in these truths we will be happy. But His perfect love for us is unaffected by our choices to fully accept His help or not. 

Interestingly, our love for Him deepens when we focus on Him and not on His behavior. Is our love for God conditional and based upon what we assume He is doing? Do we turn from Him when He does things differently than we would like? If so, it is so important to remember that, unlike us, His actions are always for our good. So, we can remember that He is always ultimately focused on our eternal happiness and joy. He wants us to become, which requires us to learn, which requires that we pass through hard times.

I don't think it can be stressed enough that in order to have true faith in God, one must come to know Him and of His perfect and constant attributes. Knowing that God is working for "the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39), or for our long term happiness, is crucial knowledge during times of confusion, frustration, or depression. He never, ever, ever, ever forgets us; we're the only ones who do any of the forgetting.

Giving Up What I "Want", or What I Learned During A Work Meeting Today

Following Christ is being willing to give up what we currently may want to do, say, think, believe, or be for what He has taught us. This is often very hard. However, we do not need to be discouraged that this giving up of our wills does not happen all at once. It is a process to learn that what we really want is to give all of ourselves to God. It is one reason we came to earth. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with how far we need to go or feeling doubtful that we can ever really have a true change of heart, we can feel peace in knowing that 1) He will help us change day by day as we listen to the Holy Spirit, and 2) what He is offering us is more rich and satisfying than anything we could come up with on our own. He is offering us truth and real joy and relationships. He is offering us everything He has.

A Letter From Mark, or A Missionary's Thoughts

This is a section of a letter Mark wrote to us. He is currently serving a mission in France, in a city close to the German border. 

"It was after this rendezvous while walking to the church that I had a large realization. I had already written my President's email describing what had happened with Françoise and was thinking about why missions are so hard. (There was a bus greve last Monday so we had lots of walking to do between Brigitte's and the church). Why? Why do we have to go through all these literal heartbreaks? We open ourselves up to these people and present our heart to them, as it were, and love them so much, and then these things happen that mess us up. Elder Coburn had mentioned a bit of what he had put in his email to his family about this and it concerned the Savior. 

"So I started thinking about the Savior and His mission the earth. I started thinking of him as a man, divine though He was, a man in the sense that he has emotions and feelings that we all have. I thought about that and the reasons why I'm here on a mission. I have always thought that I knew exactly why I was here, to spread the Gospel, share what I have. But as I was thinking about Jesus Christ in this way, I realized that He was giving literally His whole life to the people He lived among. He gave them his whole heart. During His time on earth, He experienced the exact same things we do, or rather, we experience, as missionaries, the same things He did. We have investigators who don't understand our message (the woman at the well) we have investigators who have so much potential, but they don't go all the way (the rich young man), we have flatout rejection. I'm sure Jesus was hoping for these people with more hope than I could ever muster. He knew them better than I ever could know somebody. He understood their value perfectly, and yet they rejected Him too. They had the Son of God with them, and in the end, many many rejected him completely. 

"So, here is what I came up with after thinking of all this. As a representative of Jesus Christ here in Nancy, doing (or trying, anyway) to do the same things Jesus Christ would do if He were here in Nancy, should I not expect some rejection, some heartbreak, some disappointment? In being His representative, in wearing His name everywhere I go for people to  see, should I not expect to go through a small, tiny fraction of what He experienced and felt? And in living these hard things, do I not understand Christ a little bit better? I feel as if the gap between myself and Christ has gotten smaller this week. That is not to say that I understand in any way what Christ lived, but I understand just that little bit more."

When It Is Hard To Wait, or Claim the Exceeding Great and Precious Promises

http://lds.org/liahona/2007/11/claim-the-exceeding-great-and-precious-promises?lang=eng&query=elder+condie+promises

Meet Boo, or I Want To Go To Busch Gardens!

This is Boo. He's such dear and clever child. He loves to go to Busch Gardens. He loves to see all the animals and he knows a lot about them. Busch Gardens is a big deal. He even dreams about it sometimes.

Sometimes Boo wants to go to Busch Gardens but there are other things to do that day, or the plan is to go on Saturday instead of on Tuesday. He will get to go eventually, but when it's best for everyone in his family.

Boo doesn't like to get his fingernails clipped. He hates it. However, if his mom and dad didn't clip his fingernails just because he didn't want them to, they would actually stop doing something that just simply must be done. Also, they would be doing him no favors by giving into his demands to not take naps, to only eat popsicles, or to play with cutlery or fragile things. At this stage in his life, Boo doesn't necessarily know what is best for him. He certainly knows what he likes and what he thinks is best, but his parents can see the danger in sometimes giving him exactly what he wants when he wants it.

The parallel is clear. We may feel that the very best thing for us right now is being withheld by God. Perhaps we desperately want to find our "someone." Perhaps we are struggling with health challenges, emotional or physical, that seem to rule our lives. Or we struggle seeing loved ones suffer and lose their faith or their purpose in life. The difficult thing is knowing that God has promised He can do anything but He's not giving us what we feel we want and need more than anything else. 

But, God is the Perfect Parent. He knows us individually. He knows Boo. He knows how much Boo loves Busch Gardens, what his favorite animal is, how Boo loves Dopey from Snow White, and that Boo gets so excited each time he hears a fire engine. God loves us each in the very same way. He knows our heartaches and our desires, and tenderly acknowledges them. But, at this stage of life we do not fully understand what is best for us. We certainly know what we like and what we think is best, but God can see the reason why it isn't time to give us all we want and need right now. It is so critically important to know God at times like these. Not to just know about Him, but to know and trust Him. To trust that He really does want us to be happy, to trust that He really does love us.

I know with a knowledge that is deep, real, and personal that God is our loving Father. He withholds those things we want so dearly because He knows what is good for us and when it will be right and best for us to receive what we want. I know that He weeps with us when we suffer. He wants nothing more than for us to be happy. But, He wants us to be happy for forever. He knows what we will need to learn in order to enjoy perfect happiness. This life is not the reward; it is the test. But, what wonderful comfort we can feel as we remember that God is leading us through it. He's leading us back to Him.

Meet Babykins, or Lessons From Learning to Walk

Meet Babykins. He's such a kind and warm child. He's also very determined. There are lots of lessons about life and our relationship with God to be learned from children.  

Babykins is learning to walk.

-1- Babykins' parents do not get mad at him when he stumbles. They are not disappointed that he isn't a perfect walker yet. They know perfectly well that he will learn how.They are very familiar with the whole "learning to walk" thing and understand that it is a process. There are no expectations for perfection. God is no different. He sent us to earth to gain experience and to be changed through that experience. He has no expectation for immediate perfection. That's the ultimate goal and reality, but certainly not even a possibility in the present.  

-2a- Even though Babykins is learning to walk and focusing on that, he's still developing in other ways. He likes to make sounds and talk on the phone, to try new foods, and to play new things with his brother. His overall progress has not halted because he hasn't learned to walk perfectly. He'll learn. We're all struggling through our individual challenges. While they must be worked through, God can still help us learn and develop in other ways while we work on those things.

-2b- Focusing solely on our problems is unhealthy. It's not helpful or appropriate to identify ourselves as a problem or a concern or a behavior. Babykins is not a "learning to walk" or  a "sometimes falls down,"  just as we are not a "temper," an "addiction," a "health concern," a "lazy attitude," or a "weakness." We may have some of those things; we are children of God. God's love for us and our relationship to Him does not change based on what we do or struggle with. Babykins will always be his parents' child. And they will always, always love him, no matter how many times he stumbles.

-3- The only thing that will keep Babykins from learning to walk is if he stops trying. If he got discouraged and lost hope that he would be able to learn to walk, and then refused to even try, he would never learn. But, he hasn't done that. Each time he falls, he just crawls to a desk or a chair and pulls himself up. He's even learned to stand up without any support now! For us, the only thing that will keep us from becoming like God and living with Him again is to get discouraged and to lose hope that the future can be different from our present. If we sit down and refuse to try to follow Christ and to let Him help us back up, we won't live with God again. All God wants us to give Him is ourselves. He has asked for our hearts. Along with our hearts comes our lives, our actions and decisions. If we will keep trying, I know that the Lord will help us. He does strengthen those who trust Him and in His ability to keep His promises. I know that, just as I know that we can be changed and healed as we just keep having the faith in Him to repent and obey over and over and over again.

The Birthday Party, by Katharine Brush

They were a couple in their late thirties, and they looked unmistakably married. They sat on the banquette opposite us in a little narrow restaurant, having dinner. The man had a round, self-satisfied face, with glasses on it; the woman was fadingly pretty, in a big hat.

There was nothing conspicuous about them, nothing particularly noticeable, until the end of their meal, when it suddenly became obvious that this was an Occasion—in fact, the husband’s birthday, and the wife had planned a little surprise for him.

It arrived, in the form of a small but glossy birthday cake, with one pink candle burning in the center. The headwaiter brought it in and placed it before the husband, and meanwhile the violin-and-piano orchestra played “Happy Birthday to You,” and the wife beamed with shy pride over her little surprise, and such few people as there were in the restaurant tried to help out with a pattering of applause. It became clear at once that help was needed, because the husband was not pleased. Instead, he was hotly embarrassed, and indignant at his wife for embarrassing him.

You looked at him and you saw this and you thought, “Oh, now, don’t be like that!” But he was like that, and as soon as the little cake had been deposited on the table, and the orchestra had finished the birthday piece, and the general attention had shifted from the man and the woman, I saw him say something to her under his breath—some punishing thing, quick and curt and unkind. I couldn’t bear to look at the woman then, so I stared at my plate and waited for quite a long time. Not long enough, though. She was still crying when I finally glanced over there again. Crying quietly and heartbrokenly and hopelessly, all to herself, under the gay big brim of her best hat.

Copyright © 1946 The New Yorker. All rights reserved.

Originally published in The New Yorker.

Timing

This is a very good talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks that was given at a BYU Devotional in 2003.

https://lds.org/liahona/2003/10/timing?lang=eng&signmein#footnote1-23990_000_005

Re-post from 5/23/11: What Rain and Challenges Do

I've been thinking about this topic recently and wanted to share again some of my thoughts about how trials are actually beautiful and loving blessings from God.  I am so grateful for who I have become as I have gone through difficult things.

It was sunny yesterday and today. That’s a big deal. It seems like it has been raining for weeks and weeks. It normally doesn’t rain this much here. I was so happy to go outside and see the blue sky.

I realized though that I have lived through many sunny days and never realized how great they were or how blue the sky was, or anything. If it’s been sunny for a long time, I stop noticing sun. Rainy days, along with making the plants nice and green and everything, help me appreciate sunny days. Without rainy days, the beauty outside would disappear.
 

It seems that most people I know are going through really difficult things. Maybe it’s because I’m growing up and becoming more aware of others and their lives, but I don’t remember this many people going through this many challenges before. But, I’ve learned from my own experience that challenges are some of the greatest blessings God gives us. One of the purposes of our experience here on earth is to gain experience in order to change our character, who we are. God wants us to become like Him, to enjoy all the blessings He enjoys. But, we aren’t yet. So, He sent us to earth to learn by experience and to progress.
 

Challenges will both teach us wonderful things and help us develop deep relationships with God and Jesus as we work through them. Or they will destroy us. They can turn us to God in humility or turn us away from Him feeling hurt. It can sometimes feel that He has given us too much to handle or that He isn’t giving the help that we need. But, as I look back on the past few months, I see that that God was right there with me through all of my challenges. There were times that, in those moments, I didn’t know where He was. But, He was with me. He was supporting me and helping me and giving me strength to try again and again. I know that as we accept the help of Jesus Christ, He will carry what we cannot. He will fill our hearts with peace and reassurance. He will let us know that He knows how we're feeling and He'll encourage and love us. He knows us. And He knows how to help us. He knows what we, together, can handle. He understands how hard things can be for us. He is patient and compassionate. He's willing to work with us where we are, as we are.

The more we know about our purpose in life and God’s love for us, the more we can understand challenges. Challenges help us appreciate life and who God is. Challenges are rainy days. They actually are beautiful blessings that help us recognize all that God does for us; they help us learn and become more like Him. Many of them take a long time to work through. But, I know that if we will not give up on Jesus Christ, we will make it though them eventually. The trick is just to hold on to Him when it seems that we may not be able to hold on for much longer. But, He can help you hold on. And He will. 

To learn more about the purpose of challenges, go here to learn more about God’s plan for our progression and happiness: http://mormon.org/plan-of-happiness/

People Who Seem to Help, or Emotional Support

I've recently discovered how incredibly uplifting it is to be with someone during hard times, to let them help me, and to feel encouraged by them. I've historically tried to do things all by myself, but that's not how it needs to be done. Or should be done. Frankly, I believe that many if life's problems can't be resolved or endured well by oneself.

I've made three observations about the people who have helped me most.

1. I love being with people who love me and not just my behavior. When I'm in trouble, I will turn to those who have loved me at my best and at my worst. I feel comfortable with them because I know that they love me. This allows me to share myself with them and not just what they want me to say or expect me to be like.

2. Those who help me tend to listen more than they offer advice. There is something relieving about sharing difficult and personal things with others, and usually people can help me most by listening and asking questions rather than telling me what I should be doing. Feeling validated is healing. Advice is wonderful, but for me it is only helpful when the setting is right and I'm ready for it. Giving advice to one who doesn't want any is akin to trying to pour water into a Tupperware that already has a lid on it.

3. People can discern much of how others feel about them. Insincerity, doubt, judgment, and distance can be felt. So can genuineness and love. When someone assumes the best of me, I feel invited to be closer to that person. I feel that I can be my best self and they will value it.

Monotonous Prayers, or It's Hard To Pray Sometimes...

"We can and must go often and carefully to the word of God. If we become casual in our study of the scriptures, we will become casual in our prayers. We may not cease to pray, but our prayers will become more repetitive, more mechanical, lacking real intent. Our hearts cannot be drawn out to a God we do not know, and the scriptures and the words of the living prophets help us know Him. As we know Him better, we love Him more."

-Henry B. Eyring (read this talk)

"As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are his children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7:7–11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship."

Bible Dictionary (see the entire entry here)

How To Find Happiness

Will The Future Ever Change?, or Discouragement

Discouragement is fear that the future won't change, that what has happened and is happening will always happen. It is a lonely place. It feels like it needs to be dealt with alone; it makes it hard to let others close. It is dark and overshadows life to the point that there is no future, just an overwhelming sense of confusion, disappointment, and frustration.

When I was 9 or 10, I played in a big group violin concert in Salt Lake City. I played in the two easiest group pieces of the night, but I was rather proud of them. However, the last group of the concert, which included a little boy very much younger than me, played the 3rd movement of Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto in E minor. It is one of my favorite pieces; it's fast, beautiful, and terribly difficult. As we rode home in the van, I can still remember how terribly discouraged I felt. I felt like I had been left behind, that my violin playing was worthless. I thought of giving up violin altogether. Certainly I would never be able to play anything like that piece. Ever. 

My parents helped me through my discouragement and I didn't give up the violin. And I'm glad I didn't.  However, as I've grown up and gone through serious situations which have left me feeling deeply discouraged, I've certainly had thoughts of "nothing will ever change." But, I've learned from my own experience that allowing the Lord to be with me as I am and as I feel truly helps me calm down and see things clearly. Lots of times He hasn't changed what's going on. But He often reminds me of the Plan of Salvation and how this life is a time of education, how trials are essential facilitators of that education, and how I have a Savior who does help me and strengthen me and understand me and pick me up and help me keep going. Or, God will simply validate my pain or remind me how much He loves me.

Though it can be hard to remember, it's ok if God has helped us with a certain problem before and we are again afraid or sad or discouraged about it. God never gets annoyed or tired of helping us.

Giving up is not the only option when we face discouragement. Turning to our Heavenly Father over and over and over again through honest prayer, and trusting again and again that His true desire is actually for us to be happy, and accepting that He really does have a perfect personal plan for us puts us in a place where we can accept the solace and perspective we need. We can hold onto God with our trust (faith), even though we are down. God will never give up on us. Never. Even if our commitment gets a little soggy. If we will just hang on to Him,  He will lead us back into the light.

A Thought on Prayer, or Honesty

Honesty in prayer is one indication of our understanding and acceptance of God's love for us (meaning that He doesn't just love our behavior or our compliance to His will). We show our trust in Him by approaching Him in prayer as we are, not as we hope to be or appear.

The Savior was very honest in His prayers. He told God how He was feeling when He said, "O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me."

We will learn about God's personality as we pray honestly to Him. We will learn of His perfect understanding, His compassion, and His complete love for us.